Friday, June 1, 2012

50 Shades of Hot


50 Shades of Hot
By: Mike Manzi


Ladies, please don’t share this with anyone, as it will shoot my reputation all to hell and back, but I read...a lot.  

And I’ll tell you this as well:  I don’t care for the Twilight novels much at all.  Yes, I have read all of them (shudders), and yes, I do realize they’re geared toward (shudders again) teenage girls, but I can’t be enthused about a series of books whose underlying message boils down to this (spoiler alert):

“Hi, my name is Bella, and my perfect boyfriend turned me into a vampire so we can be seventeen forever and have magical powers and everyone is happy!  Oh, and I also crave human flesh from time to time, but I couldn’t care less, because me and my perfect boyfriend will be together forever!  Yay!”

Okay, so I have this nasty habit of stumbling upon reading that isn’t intended for me, a guy that likes a good conspiracy thriller any day of the week, has read Hunt for Red October approximately ten times, and can quote Sun Tzu’s The Art of War (a favorite of Gordon Gekko-esque wannabes...”Lunch is for wimps!”) from memory.  

That being said, my bad habit once again got the best of me, as I stumbled upon a novel entitled Fifty Shades of Grey.  If you haven’t read it, Grey comes across as a sort of softcore, boudoir erotic fiction, sprinkled with a healthy dose of BDSM fantasy.  I really don’t want to know how thorough E.L. James’ research was for this novel.  Just know that the subject of “fisting” came up more than once, and that was more than enough for my delicate sensibilities.  

But whatever, this isn’t book club.  I’m not going to expound on the virtues of the push-pull relationship of dominance and submission, nor will I talk about releasing the inner goddess, or even nipple clamps.  

No, I’ll do you one better:  I’ll take all the information I gleaned from this novel (that I probably shouldn’t have read) and put it into a workout program (minus the nipple clamps, of course, that’s just...eww).  

This program is all about building muscular endurance and stamina, and of push-pull relationships, not between doms and subs however, but of the musculature of the human body.  By the time you’re finished with this six-week program, you’ll be more than ready to release your inner goddess on the unsuspecting Christian Greys of the world.  

First and foremost, let me break it down for you.  This is a five-day-a-week program: three days of heavy (that’s right, I said heavy, ladies, please don’t put me up on THAT soapbox again) resistance training, alternated with two days of intensive cardiovascular training.  Abdominals come at the end of each resistance training session.  

Secondly, this is a structured program, utilizing split training.  So no hitting the treadmill for 45 minutes at the same pace, then doing 5 minutes of bicep curls with 3 pound weights followed by  half-assing your way through some crunches before bolting for the door like you’re double-parked.  That’s right, I saw that.  

Third, I hate to tell you, you probably won’t be able to peruse the latest issue of Glamour while performing your cardiorespiratory training.  30 minutes of intense interval training utilizing the old-school “Kill/Chill” philosophy, bookended by ten minutes of warmup and cooldown time is what awaits you.  If you can still manage to read while going through that, well, let’s just say you’re better than me, and we’ll leave it at that.  

Sure, to the uninitiated, this all sounds pretty intimidating.  But that’s how I want you to feel.  If you’re not a little scared of your workout, it’s probably too easy.  And an easy workout is like a rocking chair:  It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.  

So let’s get all you burgeoning Anastasia Steele’s somewhere good.  

Your New Training Split

Day 1, Day 5*: Chest, Back, Shoulders, Abdominals

Day 3*: Biceps, Triceps, Legs, Abdominals

Day 2, Day 4: Cardio

Day 6, Day 7: Off

*Rotate days one and five with day three every week.  So if you’re working chest, back, and shoulders on days one and five this week, next week work those same muscles only on day three.  This way, each muscle group gets an equal amount of attention throughout the duration of the program.

The Workouts

Workout 1:  Chest, Back, Shoulders


Exercise
Sets
Repetitions
(A) Dumbbell Chest Press
3
12
(B) Seated Row
12
(A) Seated Lat Pulldown
3
12
(B) Standing Dumbbell Shoulder Press
12
(A) Cable Crossover
3
12
(B) Dumbbell Lateral Raise*
12
Pushups (Burnout)**
1
50


Each (A) and (B) exercise should be performed as a superset.
*After finishing the last set, rest for approximately one minute, then perform all six exercises in a circuit fashion, dropping the weight so you can complete 15-20 repetitions for each exercise.
**The burnout should be the last exercise you perform, so complete this AFTER finishing your circuit.  For pushups, you can go to your knees, but try to complete as many as you can with good form from a standard pushup position before doing so.  You’re not finished until you get 50!

Workout 2: Biceps, Triceps, Legs

Exercise
Sets
Repetitions
(A) Barbell Squat
3
15
(B) Seated Hamstring Curl
20
(A) Dumbbell Hammer Curls (alternating)
2
15
(B) Assisted Dips
15
(A) Romanian Deadlift
3
15
(B) Seated Leg Extension
20
(A) Preacher Curls
2
15
(B) Seated Dumbbell Overhead Extension
15
(A) Leg Press
3
20
(B) Sumo Squat (holding kettlebell)*
25
Squat Jumps (Burnout)
1
50


Each (A) and (B) exercise should be performed as a superset
*After completion of the final set, rest approximately one minute, then circuit ONLY the lower body exercises, aiming to complete the number of repetitions shown, before proceeding to the burnout.  

Workout 3: Abdominals

Exercise
Sets
Repetitions
Bicycles*
2-3
20 (each side)
Reverse Crunch
-
20
Plank Walk-Up**
-
10
Flutter Kicks
-
15***


*Perform all exercises as a circuit, completing each exercise with little to no rest in between.  Rest, then repeat as needed.
**Start from a standard elbow plank position, walk up to your hands, then back down.  That’s one rep.
***Count it like 1, 2, 3, (1); 1, 2, 3, (2); 1, 2, 3, (3)...and so on until completion.

Workout 4: Cardiovascular Training

Phase 1
Duration
Warmup
10 minutes



Phase 2
Duration (10 Minutes Total)
Kill It!*
1 minute
Chill It**
2 minutes
Kill It!
1 minute
Chill It
2 minutes
Kill It!
1 minute
Chill It
2 minutes
Kill It More!
1 minute


*Killing it implies max- or near-max-effort for the allotted period of time.  If you’re on the treadmill, this means sprinting.  The stairmaster, going as fast as you can handle for the allotted period of time without falling off the back.  The bike, the highest resistance you can handle while keeping your speed up.  In each phase, give approximately 80-90% effort.  For the final Kill It! portion, give your absolute maximum effort.
**Chilling it means returning to an easy jog or walk, etc.


Phase 3
Duration (10 Minutes Total)
Chill It
1 minute
Kill It!
1 minute*


*Repeat four more times.

Phase 4
Duration (10 Minutes Total)
Chill It
1 minute
Kill It!
2 minutes
Chill It
1 minute
Kill It!
2 minutes
Chill It
1 minute
Kill It!
2 minutes
Kill It More!*
1 minute


*This is the high point, after this last minute, nothing stands between you and a well-deserved cooldown.  So push the pedal to the floor and use up all the gas you’ve got left in the tank.

Phase 5
Duration
Cooldown
10 minutes



In regards to the cardio program, yes, it is a TON of cardio.  Don’t feel like you have to complete all 50 minutes in one fell swoop.  If you need to take a breather between phases, fill up your water bottle, switch apparatus, etc, by all means go for it!  After all, although it might not seem like it, I’m not trying to kill you, I’m trying to make you better!  

This is probably one of the toughest all-encompassing programs I’ve ever written.  But as I mentioned before, it’s meant to be intimidating.  But every time you finish that last burnout set, or bust through that last balls-to-the-wall interval, you’re going to feel like you can accomplish just about anything you want.  And that’s what being a goddess is all about, isn’t it?

Mike Manzi is a Certified Personal Trainer and resident smart-ass at LoHi Athletic Club in Denver, Colorado.  He is also now terrified of the word “fetish.”

9 comments:

  1. This is probably the heaviest workout I've ever attempted and it feels so good Mike. Thanks. I'm using this to get toned so weights are at its minimum.

    I'm not sure if I'm using the right treadmill because the settings are very limited.

    How long did you work out till you completed the whole program?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am so glad i enjoyed Christian and Ana's story.
    Thank you so much for the wonderful book! I finished it a few days ago and cannot get it out of my
    head. It is pure magic. It was everything I hoped it would be and much more. Thank you so much. ...Fifty shades

    ReplyDelete
  3. I m excited for the Fifty Shades of Grey movie.i cant wait for releasing date of Fifty Shades Of Grey

    ReplyDelete
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